Finishing Law School

Normally I'm a fan of dragons but this week a few of the buggers need to be put to rest.
The past weekend has been recovery mode, but with the dawning of a new weekday, it's time to get back to things. I'm still recovering, still need daily bandage changes, still exhausted, but the food needs cooking, sprog needs the swimming run, I need to go to class, dishes and laundry need washed, clothes need mending or re-ordering as he's outgrown some trousers...
And through all this, no help at all from social services. Why? Because I'm Superwoman; I'm capable of getting things done, even when I'm too tired to think straight. My son is always fed, his teeth brushed, his lunch packed, his clothes patched and his homework completed. Always.
Therefore, this means I don't need any help, according to various services.
Srsly.
I keep hearing this a lot "You don't seem disabled" "We offer services to children more disabled than your son" "You're doing quite well for yourself" "He seems all right, he's doing well in school". This is all coming from people who I would imagine would know better; appearances mean NOTHING when it comes to disability. My son gets the highest rate of care for a reason (and not, as it was insinuated by one carer, because I fudged a bit on the DLA form). It doesn't matter that he can talk, that he is doing well in school, and he tends to respond rather well to people; those are the good times.
The good times are balanced out by the days he wees and craps on his bedroom floor, when he throws desks and chairs in his classroom at other children because he wanted a few more minutes on the computer. When he struggles to run off into a busy street because there's something on the other side he wanted to see, or he doesn't want to go in the direction I need to go in order to get milk and supplies.
And, believe it or not, those days are NORMAL when you're dealing with a child on the spectrum. Everyone's shocked when sprog breaks out, except for me. After all I deal with it every day.
I am monumentally fed up with my ability to keep up appearances as being attributed to me not needing any help at all. I'm killing myself to make sure my son is prepared for the day; I do nothing for me. Hair hasn't been washed in ages, washing up in the sink because I can no longer use the bath. I am more or less housebound as going out takes up too much energy away from child-rearing. But I don't LOOK housebound - and since, even against my wishes, the words "depression" are in my file, everything I deal with on a daily basis and the fact I admit I'm getting more and more run down is attributed first and last to mental state, not disability. Sadly, that's a pretty common issue when dealing with Fibro/CFS/ME - disability has to be visible to be "real".
The result of all this was I lost my patience with services this week and when my son's social worker showed, I was less than understanding of all the delays and excuses I've been getting. That he expected my ex to pick up the slack when I couldn't was ludicrous - that they tend to only give respite to children "more disabled" equally infuriating. Again I had to point out my son is on the highest rate, and this was given without any contest at all due to all the documentation of sprog's blowups and violent displays at school and home. Also, my ex came and tended sprog last week solely because social services didn't move fast enough - he didn't want to do it, and believe me I heard a lot of complaints! He's my ex-husband, we're going through divorce: he's not my carer and I am no longer his responsibility. If he has to consistently bail me out, then he may as well be taking care of sprog himself and he's not willing to do that. So...what other options are there?
My ex had a word with the man later on and he told me "He's rather English" (meaning that he's the breed of person who never says what he's really thinking for fear of offending someone, and tends to underestimate things in the extreme). I don't care to play the social diplomacy game anymore, however - if I don't get what I want, and am not told right now what that will be, I will be filing complaints. I'm not going away, I'm not giving up. I'm too angry, and when I'm angry, I'm a force of nature.
No more changing the subject when I bring up direct payments or respite care, no more of this "but you seem to be coping so well". Ironically, if I was instead completely ignoring sprog's care and solely taking care of myself, I'd probably get tonnes of assistance. I am penalised for my maternal instincts, it seems.
So, that's one dragon slain - the adult social services is another issue entirely which will get dealt with this week, as well as the appeal of DLA. The hospital complaint has been written and will be sent in today.
Spear is sharpened, charger is ready for battle. Bring it.

Labels: Sprog

I am aware of a new programme which supposedly once again Gives Power to the People (read, absolves government of responsibility). Namely, to pay people who do DIY on their homes rather than landlords doing what, essentially, landlords are supposed to do - care for the property rather than sit back and grab all the profits. Do not even get me started about this, as I could go on and on about the insurance/shoddy and potentially life-threatening DIY performed by people don't know how to DIY; I've seen loads of really poorly done jobs. The point for me however is I am well aware the current house I live in has a lot of shoddy work in it; the oven and extractor fans are so old the parts aren't around, same with most of the lighting. Insulation is laughable, drafts everywhere and I'm the one who has to pay the insurance on the house, not the landlord. When I ask for things to get fixed, I get rather ridiculous solutions (the pipe-heater I can't actually shut off in a completely un-insulated outbuilding being the most boggling). I'm still waiting on the dining room fixture getting sorted or replaced (neither of which has happened), the extractor fan no longer even pretends to do the job now and I always have to have a window open, and the smoke alarm gave up the ghost ages ago. I've had to turn the heat on again with the drop in temp as it's freezing in here and I can feel a draft from the window coming all the way from the other side of the room. This makes working impossible as I can't feel my fingers, and typing this entry has taken considerably longer than it should.
Since I'm going to be here for a while, I may as well make some changes to things if I can manage it, and just step in to sort things out rather than wait for some nebulous time for things to get fixed or tidied up of their own accord.
The boarded up chimney is the first issue for me, really. I've wanted a wood fire for a while now, but the cost has been rather prohibitive. Still, with things easing up a bit on the money front, I think now is the time for me to save up and get it sorted. There is no chance of me doing a DIY with this; I don't have the energy or the know how and there are a lot of regulations so this is when getting a pro is vital. More to the point I think there's a problem with the chimney and it may well need some fixing first. So, everything needs a thorough check, the chimney will probably need lining, and then I think a woodburning stove would need to be placed as I just don't think having an open fire is a good idea with pets and Sprog. I'll need landlord permission but since it won't cost him a pence I can't see him turning down something which would raise the value of the house - he certainly hasn't done in the past.
Little stuff like paint and smoke alarms shouldn't be a big deal but there's a real issue with being a non-driver and wanting to get some DIY or household stuff in; unless you're ordering from Argos or somewhere equally naff you can't get it delivered. B & Q and Homebase, who in theory offer home delivery on things, seem to only offer delivery on a very small amount of their stock. Infinitely frustrating; I've the money, I've the need, but there's no way for me to get the stuff home unless I grab the one friend I know with a car or get a cab (more expensive than what I need to buy, usually). Still, I'm making headway with that although it irks me to have to order something from halfway across the country rather than from somewhere a few miles away via phone. Heigh ho.
That's a short term solution to the light problem; finding a circular light bulb requires internet hunting as it's not easily found. However the problem hasn't entirely been just the bulb (as I was told by the agents who didn't even bother to check it out), or the rather ancient fitting; the wiring itself in the entire lower portion of the house is malfunctioning and I've mentioned it several times, to no avail. I'm afraid that is something I'm going to have to get a specialist in to sort out - more to the point, it probably means having to appeal to ombusman to force the hand a bit to get it seen to. I'm still trying to decide how to handle it, but I think I'll have the environmental health agency people out to give the house a full inspection, quietly for the time being, and if there's something much more fundamentally wrong then it can be sorted.
I've no idea what to do about the extractor fan - the whole thing is ancient and makes a load of noise when I first start it up. The filter hasn't been changed in years and I admit I'm a little worried it will all just fall apart if I try to do it myself as I imagine it's rather rusty and nasty in there. That is probably going to be another issue I'm going to have to bring up if I can't do it myself.
Walls, drapes and so on: I've been here two years and the walls are definitely in need of a lick of paint. Heigh ho, boring magnolia! Son's room needs a repaint as well and some fixing up of holes and therefore I forsee a few weekends when I'm going to be doing some touchups, appealing to Long-Suffering Friend for a lift into the local Homebase to sort it. Draperies I'm trying to figure out how to sort out as the drapery hangings have been oh-so-sensibly screwed into place rather than left loose so you can wash and change them as need be. Minor, but I've never been a fan of these faded velvet things and could do with having a change during the summer; and I've a sewing machine to sort it once I figure out how to take the draperies down. The draft round the window was a long-standing problem due to getting some naff windows put in - they were being redone the day I moved in but there wasn't much improvement. Incredibly draughty, I'm probably going to have to do some insulating round them myself with some sort of insulation tape or something. I'm looking into options.
So I've got some house-tidy to do this year and I certainly don't need Big Society to help me do it - contrary to popular belief, we tend to have to do these sorts of things anyway because the Council/landlords/whomever take too long and ignore our requests to fix things. It's hardly a revolutionary idea; and I shan't be holding my breath on getting any sort of rebate for doing the work, either. If it's anything like trying to sort out insulation or rental assistance through government subsidies it would take up to a year before they got round to it.
So, setting aside a bit of funding in the savings account and doing some calling about through a builder friend who knows the decent stove installers to get a quote. It's going to take some time to put the cash together but hey, when August rolls round and no one is even remotely thinking of heating, I may be able to get a deal!

Labels: Good Life

Another lovely day after a bit of cloud this late morning - body says it's 11, clock says it's lunch! Still I managed to get outside for a bit to note progress and to do some potting on of seedlings.
Out of the tom and chili seeds I planted I had low germination rates which I'm not happy about :/ I still have time to start more seeds, and I may do, but I think the potting medium was just way too heavy for such delicate seeds. I planted six seeds, only got two. None of the peppers had a chance and two out of three squash seeds rotted right in the trays. This is all I have to show for it, and considering everything was so up-in-the-air I didn't bother to plant any backup. Will be doing that in the coming week as it's still somewhat early.
One thing that is doing VERY well, thank you is the sage! Growing like mad and starting to season some roasting and soups. The chives which are just to the far lower left even survived the winter and will lend a hand in flavouring whatever I can put my mind to this year. I've a pot of basil which is currently on the windowsill which will also go inside, but not in this bed - it didn't do well in here as I think the soil is just too heavy. The grow houses however might suit it well and considering I've not got anywhere near as many toms and peppers this year, that should suit it nicely.
The raised bed combination of netting, cut twigs and sticks from the dog roses (very prickly!) cat repellent and slug pellets seems to be doing the job in keeping the bed relatively pest-free. As a result I have a bit more hope when it comes to my seedlings this year and I have managed to start the lettuce, peas and broad beans. I always plant the beans too deep however and I think I'll need to perform some excavation or plant some more to stagger things out a bit. Even so, the lettuce itself is growing well with no sign of slug damage at all. And that's not due to a complete lack of slugs - they've been going great guns all over my strawberry plants lately so I've placed another order of the pellets. They're very effective and don't leave anything in the ground that shouldn't be there but for a bit of iron, so happy to use the stuff - also the colour is very noticeable to child knows exactly where the pellets are, what they are, and not to put them in his mouth; vital when gardening with a Wump!
I have twice been thwarted by emergencies or hospital visits to get sand for my son's sandbox, but I refuse to accept defeat! Granted I'm somewhat glad I hadn't done it yet as with all the wolf spiders doing their thing outside I don't think he'd go anywhere near the fence line right now and I suspect it's why he's refusing to go out to his bit of the garden at all right now. I don't blame him, the grass is literally TEEMING with the wee buggers. This year I am well armed with strong erythromiacin (sp) in case I get bitten again as the cellulitis was NOT fun last year and if I can self-treat, more the better. In any event, once the grass gets cut a bit the spiders will flee to wilder pastures and then I can get the sandbox filled.
Today marks the first day I want to plant seeds outside directly into the bed, and I'm rather chuffed to do that! First on the list is some early carrots - child's favourites, these grow well in heavy soil and they "bunch" so I don't have to be religious about spacing. Fine by me! Another sowing of peas today as well, and maybe one more row of broad beans. I have to watch the legume intake sadly but I am still a great lover of falafel and growing my own broad beans for this is just a given, really. Child has been asking about growing runner beans (!!!) and so I'm all too pleased to help give him a designated runner bean space and we'll tie up some trestles for them as they grow as well. The holly bush which the wonderful volunteers tried to get out of the raised bed is now back - and I'm going to take that as a sign and leave it jolly well where it is! It's in the far corner against the wall so I shan't be unhappy with it. The tayberry has been planted in the raised bed as well for the time being though I don't think that will be its permanent placement - ideally I'd put it one of my other largeish pots but I'm honestly starting to run out of patio space to put potted plants in at the moment.
The trees and berry shrubs are all getting on with producing flowers, so hurrah there! I'm actually rather surprised when it comes to the minarettes, to be truthful - I didn't expect a single bud this year as they're so new but I'm thrilled to note that both the pear and apple minarette have some delicate pink-tinged bud clusters forming. Whoo! Again, I shan't hope for fruit this soon but it's still a good sign and I'm pleased! The cherry tree is also showing that it is very happily established where it is and I'm already seeing I'm going to have to do a tonne of pruning later in the year to encourage it not to get out of hand - robust growth indeed! The mulberry, as mulberries do, is taking its sweet time doing anything in particular - the buds are still tiny, but they're there. It definitely doesn't seem to appreciate being rushed so I leave it as it is and let it carry on.
With all this lovely weather the grass has been growing pretty well. Unfortunately, so have the weeds. So, with a qualm I have placed the order for the weedicide to try and kill out all the stuff which is encroaching from next door; it's a losing battle trying to fight all of it, so I'm going to nuke it instead. I don't like doing it but I know for a fact I can't spent all my rather limited energy hacking away at all the weeds creeping into our space. It's a bit gutting and I'm trying to figure out which bit of the dandelion "crops" I can leave alone so I can harvest - probably down in the patio bit which I'm sure looks very unsightly to people who don't understand why I have them there, but nevermind!
Energy indeed is something I've really had to be mindful of. Not pushing myself too far has become vital - more vital than before, as those little twinges in the chest remind me. So, when it comes to mowing the garden, I now have to take it in chunks. Every day I will be mowing a little bit rather than try and tackle it all at once. I'll be weeding the beds, planting the seeds, having the sprog help water (his favourite bit!). Carrying on the "haiku gardening" in small increments till I'm healthy enough to increase it a bit.
So onward spring, and with enjoyment, in bits and starts, and a fair bit of sunblock. I'm off out into the garden again!

Labels: Garden, Good Life, Languishment

The DLA credits and money has come in - and bloomin' 'eck, it was a lot! The backpayments kicked in and it means I can finish sprog's room this weekend! I've also bought myself a sewing machine so I can start fixing the ripped upholstery round the house, sew some better blackout curtains for sprog's room, and maybe even make myself some clothes.
The downside? I had to transfer this money into ex's accounts while my own new accounts were being faffed around. I knew this was a bad idea, but I didn't really have a choice - it was either that or lose money like I had done before. This of course meant he saw exactly how much I receive, and therefore made the grand announcement today that I no longer "need as much help" as I did before. So...I'm now responsible for buying sprog's clothes, shoes, and I'll be paying half the rent now. I had asked for a grace period until March, but this apparently IS my grace period. At the end of the month I'll be required to transfer funds over for rent.
Poof, there goes the garden funding I was trying to put together.
This wouldn't be so maddening if I didn't know how much the man makes in a year! Nothing else for it though - so I am now figuring out how to stockpile in food, work my budget now as sprog needs new clothes and shoes desperately, give in on trying to save for the garden and just get what I can (I'm going for some container garden/growhouse stuff), and make sure that I've got everything worked out properly so that there's no nasty surprises lurking anywhere.
Yeah, it sucks - the good thing however is that this means that I no longer "owe" Ex for anything; what he's paying is about as much as he'd be paying for maintenance for sprog. I don't have to hear about how the money that he was giving me was much more than agreed, blah de blah. I am now more or less supporting sprog without much need to lean on Ex and therefore I also don't need to be the one to blame for his inability to manage his own money. And there's actually a fair bit left over after all this to either save up for other things I may want for the house (like a chest freezer) or to save up for taking sprog out during summer holidays and having fun outside as he loves a barbecue - we barbecued every sunny day last year and I'm sure he'd love to do it again!
So, while I'm a bit annoyed, I'm not too terribly surprised, and on some level, I'm actually rather chuffed. It's not a great situation, but it could be decidedly worse. My son is fed, I have plans to keep me busy and maybe make a bit of cash, we'll have clothes and shoes and I'll even have cash to take him on various adventures and things during half term and summer breaks. Vastly improved over last year, with room for improvement if I choose wisely and keep the corners well trimmed on my budgeting.

Labels: Good Life

As it's supposed to rain tomorrow, we moved our BBQ to today, and sprog happily sampled nearly everything, including things I really didn't expect him to eat. Hurrah for food experimentation! We finished out with homemade mint chocolate-chip ice cream, made with mint from the garden. The ice cream maker has already paid for itself I think, though I imagine I've put on a few pounds by now!
Tomorrow, I am bringing forth a new tradition called "Fixing Day". Sundays are sort of "what do we do now??" days when I'm always struggling to find new entertainments for sprog. Since the garden is still in the developmental stages, we've been inside a fair bit, and I've had to create new things for him to do, as well as to actually get things done. He's of an age now that I believe I can start to teach him how to do repairs for himself. We've got pairs of his trousers to mend, a book he loves has a ripped page, and the fourth patio chair managed to fall apart and needs to be repaired. Since sprog is really hard on his stuff, having a repair day is a great time for him to learn how to fix things which end up getting broken, and hopefully will encourage him to consider fixing items rather than throwing them away.
It is also something to do on a Sunday, though I find it works best if I don't have any hard-and-fast expectations as to the outcome if sprog assists. It might go better if I told him to let me do it, but then, how would he learn? I'm prepared to deal with some messes and botch ups.
This week is going to be a bit crazed, so I'm glad to have the time to fix things tomorrow so I don't have to worry about it all week long. It can become a weekly event, as there's always something that needs doing/repairing/taking up/taking down/hemming in/sorting out, and it's better include sprog in these things than keep him out of it. Still, I'm looking forward to getting my stockpile back up to snuff and get back to baking - I've been seriously hit with a need to bake for some reason, so I think another white-chocolate/cranberry/macadamia nut Madiera cake is in the offing very soon.

Labels: Good Life

My immeasurably generous friend, the Gothic Florence Nightingale and I are off to ruin our diets in grand style at the Patisserie Valerie which has just opened in town. I haven't seen here since Xmess so will be nice to catch up.
These outings cost us a bit in cash and spoons; my friend has ME even though she is still working a full time job and also helping both myself and another friend of ours with ME who is wheelchair bound. I honestly have no idea how she does it, but she's amazing. However as we're all starting to feel the pinch in both fiscal and physical means, we're having to go a bit more sedate in our perambulations. We spent a mint last year sampling from various tea rooms and pubs and while a really nice day out with some fun company, it cost us a bit. She's having a funds crunch and while I'm more than happy to give her a bit for petrol, neither of us have a whole lot of coin. Pretty true for most our lot including our dear friend who has terminal cancer - she may have her insurance policy now to spend, but not all the money in the world will save her life. Still, the last years will be good ones if we can manage it.
It's a reminder that life can be brought abruptly short. I remember when she was saying she was suffering from fatigue and wondered what sort of herbs she should take. As I've been in that position before I counselled the first course of action was to see a doctor - and though I was reluctant to do so, I explained the last friend of mine who asked just that question had breast cancer. I cringe when I remember this, as that's exactly what happened in this second instance. She fought hard and still is, but it's a reminder even so of all those "it's just lumpy breasts" and "you just need more sleep" platitudes which aren't always the case.
The good days are days we should cherish and treasure and take full advantage of when we can, no matter who is watching. I'm more than aware there are twitching blinds whenever I walk out the door these days. Mucking about in the garden and she's disabled? Ha! But as the name of this blog suggests, I'm still living in a cage - I've just chosen to try and gild it, grow some roses in it, fill it with music and light and life and make it the best I can.
So now, deciding what to wear which will be flattering yet, more to the point, warm and comfortable. Now to try and remember how to style the hair and what to do with makeup (and I don't remember the latter at all so I leave it out). Jewellery and my walking stick and my best boots (with wool socks beneath). The little moments and the gossip and the reminding oneself why you continue to live another day in the face of a dozen reasons why giving up would be easier.
Chocolate helps.

Labels: Food, Good Life, Languishment

Today has been somewhat of a wash - yesterday's ramble-about has resulted in me being pretty tired today and not willing to do much. Instead, I decided to portion out the chicken I bought yesterday (discovering that cat has a distinct love of raw chicken and chicken liver in the process and he got a share) and made some stock. I used some of my own toms - the huge Hungarian Heart had ripened up very nicely, and the pear toms which had also ripened up were thrown into the stockpot. The box ripening seems to work a treat and while I don't have many tomatoes I'm at least hoping I can make a few meals with them.
Stock sorted, I made some monkfish in lime and tarragon-butter with some of the squash I got yesterday, my own onions and some bacon. Good stuff! Plenty left over of the squash to puree into a soup tomorrow with a bit of coconut milk and spices, so I'm looking forward to that. Even though I didn't have much verve to do much other than cook and sit about, I at least ate well today (remembering to eat is always an issue).
Work on The Impractical Coat continues; I should have it finished by this weekend. It's going to be rather warm by the weight of the brocade, I'm thinking, but it's really more of a dressy coat, not meant for cold weather. If I had a lick of sense I might have quilted it or put in some considerably-more weighty fabric like fleece, but that's why it's Impractical! It's pretty, though - halfway done!
Tomorrow I've got to get into town for two more necessary errands. This is my last weekend of relative silence around the house, and the Return of The Wump! And, in a scant two weeks, he's back to school to start Year 2. I still have a hard time believing I'm even typing that....

Labels: Good Life