Inside I'M Walking
0 comment Wednesday, July 2, 2014 |
This has been a rather difficult week; there's some things going on with the tests with regard to my health which are concerning as it isn't normal..yet as seems to be the case with nearly everything I do, it's not "quite" dangerous enough to be taken seriously. The problem with everything being "borderline" is no one seems to have the sense to look at the collective whole and realise that maybe, added together, there's a serious problem here.
Something is definitely wrong with my immune system, but it's "borderline". The receptionist refused to even allow me to speak to my specialist, saying "nothing on the test jumps out as being a big deal, calm down and if you want to talk to the Doctor, write a letter." My specialist however isn't aware that I have been on antibiotics for over two months and that even then, the infection isn't shifting; I'm merely staving it off. Would be nice if the guard-dog would get out the way and allow me to TALK.
The same seems to be happening on the social services front at the moment - they want to talk to my GP as to "how your fibro affects you". At which point I queried why not talk to my son's social worker. "Oh, we need to talk to a doctor." I replied "He'll only be able to tell you exactly what I've told him because he doesn't know anything about how it affects me unless I tell him that."
I'm still dressing my surgery wound - which is still infected. I'm still using the anti-microbial wash as I can't take a bath or shower. I am still holed up in a daybed most of the day, saving energy so I can stand to be able to cook, cancelling appointments and days out as I don't have the energy to face it. I'm anaemic and having more blood drawn, so iron tablets may be making their way into my vitamins daily, but I'm more annoyed at that than anything else. We're treating SYMPTOMS here. The problem is still not being found. All the borderline, it's not that bad tests and symptoms look like no big deal on their own. Collectively, my life is being destroyed and no one sees it but me.
I had a rash last week across my face and forehead. I've managed to get it before, and always considered it just to be too much sun, but it's November. There's no chance of getting sunburn. A friend of mine suggested that was a lupus symptom. I was asked in a very roundabout way about these symptoms when I was at the specialist, but when people say "rash" I think of a really itchy, visible bumpy skin irritation, not just a bit of reddening. It never occurred to me that would count, but then again it never occurred to me till now that maybe that wasn't just too much sun.
I spend a bit of time in the garden, but it's getting too cold for me to do that now. I go out, put stuff in compost, collect a few apples, and eye the roses which are still trying to bloom. It's so nice to see that colour out there, otherwise I imagine I'd just start going rather mad at the moment. The house has never felt so much like a prison; I thought it was bad before.
I was wrong.