A New Year Round The Bend
0 comment Thursday, June 19, 2014 |
So far we've managed to build a fort, carve pumpkins, paint pictures, watch videos, practically live in our PJs (Sprog has developed horribly dry skin again and his jeans were tormenting him, so soft fabric and lots of mango butter has saved the day).
The last month of the pagan year was a huge struggle between surgery recovery and my finances being in a total mess due to being in hospital. I'm behind on a few payments and I've been doing a lot of direct debit ordering, which means I haven't been able to keep track of my funds as much as I'd like. I ordered food for an army from the takeaway to eat during the weekend, I've done very little writing or art, haven't washed my hair...the usual during half term. I've managed to get away from my principles by a fair margin as I just haven't had the energy to grate soap (and I haven't made any soap for ages either), I haven't baked bread, I haven't kept up with cleaning my house. I've done maybe a bit of laundry, some dishes, and cooking for sproggo. None of the piles of paperwork have been sorted or prepared for the week, no art, no writing, no going out and about. I was wished a "good luck" from our social worker as far as getting through the halfterm and some semi-sympathetic noises but no respite, no transport to getting around and no help.
It's been a difficult end to my year, however - as ever - I have endured. A lot of good things have gone down and I must admit I often have a difficult time seeing that sort of thing. My mind is always turned to what didn't work, and how I could have changed that for the better. I'm always saying what I haven't managed to get done, what fell through, what hasn't happened - it's very un-English of me but i was never raised to just roll over and make do with whatever I'm handed. If someone draws a line, they best prepare themselves for what happens when I cross it.
I've been trying to get my independence again and move toward a career after saying goodbye to the last one. I've had to come to terms with a lot of things and while I've actually deigned to ask for help I have realised unfortunately that I'm probably not going to get it, so I had best sort things out for myself. It's no one else's job but mine, and that has been made abundantly clear.
I think this is something which is going to become brutally clear for a lot of people. We rely on our governments and social systems to be there for us. We docilely pay our taxes and follow society's rules, assured that our just reward waits for us once we've done all our work. But folks, it isn't true. The help isn't there: the mortgage doesn't mean squat when the house won't sell; if you get disabled you'll fight for ages to get any returns; pensions are a thing of the past and if your old age isn't comfortable or kind, there's no room in any of the care homes for you. People, people, people - if you don't start taking care of yourselves, I can assure you, no one else will. Not the Council, not the Borough, not the government you voted in. Either rebel and get the revolution started (which won't do crap) or find another way.
It's time to turn the page; things have been put in motion and now I have to find the energy to follow through. However once those battles are fought (and they make be done with more speed than I credit) I'll be able to breathe and take my measure for a little while and focus on the next challenges.
Onward, then.