Choices And Decisions
0 comment Monday, June 23, 2014 |
I have decided to completely close Hathor's Bath as a business. No, I don't like doing it, but I am currently having to take stock again in the fact my condition seems to have worsened considerably in the past year, and if I want to work and be productive, I have to pick something I can actually manage to do. I love making soap and bath products, I love making serums and massage bars and all the rest of it, but I do not have the energy required to make it viable as a business. The sheer amount of work involved vs. the returns is just too much for me to manage. It's heartbreaking but there's no other way for me right now. I am therefore closing the website, my blog, and my Folksy shop.
I loved everything I learned through running Hathor's Bath - the best of all was the confidence; the confidence that I can make something, and that people actually like it and ask for more, love my products, love my ideas, love the quality. That I had created something impressive and beautiful...that really rocked me. I honestly didn't think myself capable of doing anything like that. I am grateful for the friends I have met, for the advice I was given and I have the utmost respect and admiration for the men and women who have turned soaping into a viable living as I know just how hard it is to do.
Writing however is something I'm always doing in one way or another. I am not a writer, I am a conduit - I just let the words flow. And while I'm rusty, it's a gift I never lost. The same can be said for my artistic side - it's there, I just have to cultivate it, and I really do wish to do so. For the first time, I actually feel I am perfectly capable of creating books people will want to read, and better still, pay for; I didn't even feel capable of doing so when I was publishing previously, but now...bring it on. I will start a new blog which may be a bit more alternative/artistic/pagany to keep track of progress of my material and how I'm getting on with things.
With the onset of infection, I'm in discussions with my doctor about revising my petition for DLA; I am getting much too ill over trivial issues, and it throws my entire household into chaos. There's no actual diagnosis to explain why this is happening to me on such a regular basis, but it is being documented by hospital and GP notes so it's not something I've made up. We'll carry on documenting progress, but for now I am on the "Open Call" scheme which means if I get an infection or illness, I bypass my GP and go straight to A & E, no questions asked and (hopefully) no harassment about how I don't "look" like an emergency case. As far as flu season goes, I am probably going to be eligible for flu vaccines; not all that effective really but at least will give me a bit more of a fighting chance. I also forsee more tests in my future as they will try to narrow down the reason my immunity is suffering so much.
I'm also fighting for my ability to pursue what I love as far as being creative, artistic, a writer...whatever; and this means choosing where my energy goes - and it won't be going to domestic duties anymore. Expensive to get a regular cleaner in, but I'd rather pay the expense than suffer the complete exhaustion of even a mere two hours of housekeeping. Even in the past day with sprog at nursery and ex doing dishes, laundry washed by a friend, I was amazed at how more relaxed I am - even though exhausted - and how I now have energy to chatter with my son about everything and anything, to sit and read together and paint together. Being a parent and not just a housekeeper is something I've been missing out on for a while now.
I'd write more...but already these few paragraphs have exhausted me, and I need to stir enough energy to try and make myself something to eat this morning, even though eating feels like an insurmountable effort.