Change The Beat
0 comment Friday, September 12, 2014 |
Just back from hospital stay #3. I have been fighting with chest pain for a few months, tried to alert docs to it twice and got nowhere, so I've stuck it out. I came over all un-necessary on Sunday, and a friend got an ambulance in. They were all kind and all that, but said I just needed to go and get "checked out" but something about that didn't track. They had picked something up on the EKG but weren't saying.
Bloodtests, bloodtests, bloodtests...I look like a pincushion! Bloodclot on the leg? No. In the lungs? No. I was really impressed with how thorough everyone was being this time and very grateful that I did NOT have to pay for this - these tests would have cost $20,000 in the US. But while I sat there having needles stuck in veins, in arteries, more injections for my blood was thick as treacle, and then some radioactive stuff, I got to thinking:
This is the third time I've been in hospital in under a year. And that's just the stuff which got so out of hand that I had to go into A & E. It doesn't count the skin infections I treated myself, or the pain which has crippled me and left me a housebound and boring parent. It doesn't take in the crushing fatigue and fact my son pretty much spent his whole weekend on his computer as I didn't have the energy to play or even talk with him. Like it or not, I'm not improving. More to the point, I thought I could hold out till I fought the good fight for son's education, especially as ex is lacking in clues.
But rather than reach a point of despair, I accepted all this with a strange sense of peace, I guess as many parents get to this point eventually where they realise their major role in their child's life has been played. And mine certainly has. It's time for me to pass the baton, before it gets passed for me. Granted it also helped to have friends come in and have a serious heart-to-heart, just as I would if it was them, about not being a silly arse and trying to work myself into the ground.
So the next few months are going to be a bit wild and full of upheaval, but I'll try and update as and when while I get a gameplan together.

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