0 comment Saturday, June 28, 2014 | admin
Ever have one of those days that was so flippin' awful you just ended up laughing for a few minutes?
I had to rehome my massive dog this weekend, even though she was a great deterrent to the anti-social yobs. Pretty important for a disabled chick with a disabled kid. Without her rarely-used but incredibly double'ard bark at night, I'm sure my house would have been a target for a break-in.
Well around 2am I was awakened out of a dead sleep because I heard someone trying to open my door. I spent too many years sleeping rough and as a parent to a kid who likes to wander to not be clued into this sort of thing when it happens, so I was up out of bed like a shot, grabbed my emergency panic button I wear in case I have a fall, closed the door to my room and sat down to block it (I'm a fat chick, good luck opening that door, buddy). Thankfully son wasn't home, but my neighbours were gone too so there was no way for me to raise an alarm. I waited a few minutes, and then started turning on lights in my room and in the hallway. This usually gets people to scarper - it's surprising burglars that gets them violent. I still didn't hear owt, so I decided to raise the alarm, and I pressed my panic button - this sets off my phone system and a voice announces throughout my house that the emergency for my address has been activated. Now THAT time I heard them bugger off quickly, get into a car outside and off they went.
So, stupid me - shaking by now, but mostly just pissed off, was a time I would have eaten buggers like that for breakfast - I hear my cat outside. I turn on every single light on upstairs, and then start to head downstairs as I need to shut my alarm off and answer the phone to let my emergency person know what happened (a call goes directly to her when my system is activated).
And fall. HARD. Like thank the deities for all those workouts and drinking milk when i was a kid and I never broke a bone - because I should have broken something. Lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought "Well at least I pressed my button in advance."
After taking about ten minutes to get up (damn my joints, damn them I say) I realise I'm going to be sporting the very latest in fashionable bruises down my left side, but at least I didn't break anything. Of course now I'm freaked out and my cat isn't anywhere near impressed either. I let him in, turn on every light again, satisfy myself that no one got in, call my emergency person, and hobble upstairs to get Absolutely. No. Sleep. At. All. Too much adrenaline, too much pain.
So today, after a fitful night I get up - with a migraine. Figures, after the early morning festivities. I get a friend to do my shopping (no chance I can do it myself today) and I start to try to tidy the house. I take my rubbish outside, open the windows, pootle about in bare feet (better grip so I can keep my balance) and I just start watering my plants outdoors when -
Slam. The front door closes.
And locks.
****.
I have no way into my house except going round the back, and in order to do THAT, I have to go round to my next door neighbours' - who isn't home - move the huge barrier they put across their walkway to try and deter burglars from breaking in (thank you, old weightlifting days, I can still shift it when I have to) and climb precariously over the stone fence to get into my back door. With a sore hip. And no panic button.
No pressure.
I manage to climb onto their rockery, use a rudimentary stepping ladder to get over the fence, put my foot down on my raised bed in my back garden as I note with relief the back door is open -
And step on a bee.
Srsly.
I've never been stung in my life, so this was new. "Ow, damn! Must have hit one of the thorns on my rosebush - no, OW, is that glass? OWWWWW SH---------!!!!!"
I manage to keep it together enough to not fall off the wall, get myself into my back garden, hopping - the damn bee, or wasp or whatever it was still actually dangling from underneath my toe where it nailed me - into my house, get the thing off (no sting left in, so a wasp). Get my shoes on, get my keys, and outside AGAIN to get some plantain to put on the sting.
I'm now sitting on my bed with my foot on fire, my hip turning a lovely shade of purple and blue, and I've just realised I started laughing as this has got to be proof that good ol' Tinker is not allowed to be on her own today, so a friend of mine is coming over. You know, to make sure I don't accidentally amputate my own arm with a butter knife or something.
I'm sure your Monday has been better than mine. If not, gods help you.
I fail.
I had to rehome my massive dog this weekend, even though she was a great deterrent to the anti-social yobs. Pretty important for a disabled chick with a disabled kid. Without her rarely-used but incredibly double'ard bark at night, I'm sure my house would have been a target for a break-in.
Well around 2am I was awakened out of a dead sleep because I heard someone trying to open my door. I spent too many years sleeping rough and as a parent to a kid who likes to wander to not be clued into this sort of thing when it happens, so I was up out of bed like a shot, grabbed my emergency panic button I wear in case I have a fall, closed the door to my room and sat down to block it (I'm a fat chick, good luck opening that door, buddy). Thankfully son wasn't home, but my neighbours were gone too so there was no way for me to raise an alarm. I waited a few minutes, and then started turning on lights in my room and in the hallway. This usually gets people to scarper - it's surprising burglars that gets them violent. I still didn't hear owt, so I decided to raise the alarm, and I pressed my panic button - this sets off my phone system and a voice announces throughout my house that the emergency for my address has been activated. Now THAT time I heard them bugger off quickly, get into a car outside and off they went.
So, stupid me - shaking by now, but mostly just pissed off, was a time I would have eaten buggers like that for breakfast - I hear my cat outside. I turn on every single light on upstairs, and then start to head downstairs as I need to shut my alarm off and answer the phone to let my emergency person know what happened (a call goes directly to her when my system is activated).
And fall. HARD. Like thank the deities for all those workouts and drinking milk when i was a kid and I never broke a bone - because I should have broken something. Lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought "Well at least I pressed my button in advance."
After taking about ten minutes to get up (damn my joints, damn them I say) I realise I'm going to be sporting the very latest in fashionable bruises down my left side, but at least I didn't break anything. Of course now I'm freaked out and my cat isn't anywhere near impressed either. I let him in, turn on every light again, satisfy myself that no one got in, call my emergency person, and hobble upstairs to get Absolutely. No. Sleep. At. All. Too much adrenaline, too much pain.
So today, after a fitful night I get up - with a migraine. Figures, after the early morning festivities. I get a friend to do my shopping (no chance I can do it myself today) and I start to try to tidy the house. I take my rubbish outside, open the windows, pootle about in bare feet (better grip so I can keep my balance) and I just start watering my plants outdoors when -
Slam. The front door closes.
And locks.
****.
I have no way into my house except going round the back, and in order to do THAT, I have to go round to my next door neighbours' - who isn't home - move the huge barrier they put across their walkway to try and deter burglars from breaking in (thank you, old weightlifting days, I can still shift it when I have to) and climb precariously over the stone fence to get into my back door. With a sore hip. And no panic button.
No pressure.
I manage to climb onto their rockery, use a rudimentary stepping ladder to get over the fence, put my foot down on my raised bed in my back garden as I note with relief the back door is open -
And step on a bee.
Srsly.
I've never been stung in my life, so this was new. "Ow, damn! Must have hit one of the thorns on my rosebush - no, OW, is that glass? OWWWWW SH---------!!!!!"
I manage to keep it together enough to not fall off the wall, get myself into my back garden, hopping - the damn bee, or wasp or whatever it was still actually dangling from underneath my toe where it nailed me - into my house, get the thing off (no sting left in, so a wasp). Get my shoes on, get my keys, and outside AGAIN to get some plantain to put on the sting.
I'm now sitting on my bed with my foot on fire, my hip turning a lovely shade of purple and blue, and I've just realised I started laughing as this has got to be proof that good ol' Tinker is not allowed to be on her own today, so a friend of mine is coming over. You know, to make sure I don't accidentally amputate my own arm with a butter knife or something.
I'm sure your Monday has been better than mine. If not, gods help you.
I fail.
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