Doing What Must Be Done
0 comment Saturday, October 18, 2014 |
It's probably no secret by now that ex and I, while we can be a unified front when it comes to education, don't see eye to eye on many things. However, even when it comes to education, we differ and right now, I'm about to start another war which I'll have to fight for my son against his own father.
Child isn't doing well in mainstream. I knew this would happen and I was just waiting to see how long it would take, but it's finally hitting the fan now. For a while I've been saying sprog should attend a special school, but ex has been adamant against. He of course has grand visions of child following in his own footsteps, attending Oxford and proving that his disability merely means he has unrecognised genius. Whilst I certainly agree that sprog is a bright child, he is not his father. They have similarities but that's all. Ex's stubbornness doesn't help, but can hinder the process. I appreciated him calling the school for me as dealing with the previous SEN head was a problem, but that woman is no longer the head of the unit, and the current Headteacher is much more approachable and switched on.
Child has blown up all morning in school, and has continued even now. There was an emergency meeting called and my son's social worker called and alerted me that sprog had kicked the taxi escorts and also was kicking off bigtime in class. It seems that everyone agrees - finally, after two years - that sprog is not a mainstream child. It is obvious he needs to be elsewhere, and this means he'll probably going to be attending a special school in the new year.
Me personally, I am relieved. Finally, someone listening. Sprog may be bright, but if you can't deal with his violent behaviour and his outbursts, he can't learn anything at all, and the current school can't do it. The other school sprog might be able to attend is full, and if the move to the special school is endorsed even by the current Head, then I can see this progressing quickly to that outcome.
The problem, however, is sprog's father. He has been adamantly insisting that sprog does not need to be in the SEN unit, insisting he just needs to be in a separate room with someone else learning the lessons. But ex isn't the one actually DOING any of this with sprog. He doesn't do homework, he doesn't read with him - and therefore he doesn't understand how currently damn-near-impossible it is to get sprog actually do any of these things. He dictates from on high what he feels should happen, and leaves other people to actually try and implement it. The school can't manage it, I can't manage it. In his insistence to try and get sprog to have an education "just like I did" (with zero understanding as to how difficult it was to do), sprog is falling rapidly behind his ability. Ex never had the kind of behaviour problems child has now. It's a whole different situation, and he just can't seem to see it.
Therefore, I have informed the school and anyone else involved that even though ex may call and speak on my behalf, this is one thing I'll handle myself. Sprog needs to go back to enjoying going to school and not seeing it as a prison sentence. He needs to be in an environment capable of dealing with his issues. He needs people to take the ASD diagnosis a lot more seriously than they have been doing. And right now - well, that means leaving my ex out of the educational loop.
I think my son's social worker has finally twigged onto what I've been saying all this time about ex, and he sounds a lot more supportive of ME as a result, rather than taking everything I say with a grain. Ex can sound very sensible - he's got the degree to back him up. That doesn't mean he actually knows what he's saying. He's just a damn good salesman.
So, things are going to move in a completely different direction. It is, I admit, a bit of a kick in the stomach. There was this part of me, very deep inside which I didn't allow myself to fully acknowledge, which was whispering that someday sprog was going to be able to progress to being just like other children with time. But each year, I find that dying away a bit more each time. It's heartbreaking, but more to the point, I can't believe that ex can't see it himself. But, then again, he doesn't really have the ability to pick that sort of thing up.
Within a few weeks (hopefully soon) the emergency SEN meeting will be called and the petition to put sprog into the local special school will be sent in. It may take a while before anyone takes that up, but it will happen eventually. That I can handle. What will be unpleasant is the conversation with ex: his flat refusal to have child put into anything that will 'label him for life', the further insistence that sprog is 'just like I was', the accusation that I kept him in the dark and I have no right to do so (even though I'm primary carer)...and so on. I have to push my illness, fatigue, and other stuff aside, gird the loins for my son again, and get to it. Again, I cannot back down.
Again...I won't.